dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
