i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
