so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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