I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
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