Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
