You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Randomize
