It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Randomize
