I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Randomize
