I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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