So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
