3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
