I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
