At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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