Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Alive.
So much puke
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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