I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
