did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
