Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
