Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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