He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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