Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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