o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
