Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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