Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
