you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
