She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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