I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
