we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
