Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
