To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
