After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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