You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
