That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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