I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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