I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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