I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
