you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
