DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
