I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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