too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
