I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
