i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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