Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
