At least make sure they are 18
Why
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Randomize
