I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
