Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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