Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
wow bdsm is so cute
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
