I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
