I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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