I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
