I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
