I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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