I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
