I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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