It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
