And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
